These are a Few of My Favorite…Quotes
“Ships at a distance have every
man’s wish on board.” This is the magical opening line from my
favorite novel, Zora Neale Hurston’s Their Eyes Were Watching God.
Everything looks better from a distance, but when you examine it more
closely, you may find that it’s not everything you imagined it to be.
People have a tendency to romanticize unfamiliar things—potential
partners, job opportunities, political candidates. Then, when our ship
comes in, we’re often disappointed with the cargo because we’ve built
our hopes to an unreasonable level. At the same time, it’s never wrong
to long for something better in your life, to keep looking for those ships
in the distance, as long as we realize that no ship is full of golden
treasure. Or at least, if it is, there are sure to be a few clawing crabs
mixed in with the sparkling booty. This quote speaks to the power of
realism, an important balance between optimism and pessimism.
“This above all: To thine own self be
true, for it must follow as dost the night the day, that canst not then be
false to any man.” This classic Shakespearean line, inspired by
Socrates’ “know thyself” philosophy, expresses an enduring,
universal, human truth. It is impossible to be untrue to yourself and be
true to others. At the same time, it is impossible to be untrue to others
and be true to yourself. You can don a mask like the theatrical chorus
members of Shakespeare’s time, but eventually, the mask will fall to the
stage and everyone will recognize your façade. You cannot change this
basic truth, anymore than you can change the cycle of day and night. This
line is particularly relevant, and incredibly inspirational, to the GLBT
person, especially as we struggle through coming out. It is impossible for
any of us to reveal ourselves as lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender
without a great deal of introspection and the conclusion that it is
impossible, or at least unbearable, to be one person on the inside and
present a different person to the world. Being true to yourself and being
true to others are opposite sides of the same coin.
“Sometimes, Dolores, being a bitch is
all a woman has to hold onto….Sometimes, you have to be a high-riding
bitch to survive.” These words may not ring with Shakespearean
eloquence, but they are nevertheless true. This quote comes from one of my
favorite films, Stephen King’s Dolores Claiborne. We have all faced
situations in our lives where we felt backed into a corner, and like any
living being, we came out fighting. Let’s face it—there are times in
our lives when kindness simply doesn’t cut it. You can only fight fire
with water for so long, and then it’s time to pull out your own fire. If
the meek do inherit the earth, it will only be because someone else hands
it to them, and my 33 years on this earth have taught me that you have to
fight for what you want, what you believe, what you feel is right. Hardly
ever, if at all, is anything worthwhile handed to you for free. As every
GLBT person knows, this world is full of crushing challenges to your
survival and sanity, so slide on those boxing gloves and go a few rounds
when necessary.
“Just ‘cause we’re colored,
don’t make us cousins.” This is an old saying in the African
-American community, and it’s used in another one of my favorite films,
Introducing Dorothy Dandridge. I attended a primarily African-American
high school, and I heard this quote many times during my teenage years.
Essentially, the sentiment is, “Don’t think we’re close because we
happen to have one thing in common that neither one of us chose.” The
sentiment also encourages us to see beyond racial, gender, and sexual
orientation differences and choose our friends and associates wisely based
on character. When I first came out, I was so thrilled to be away from
that dark closet, I thought every gay man around me had to be a good
person. I learned the hard way that there are just as many rotten apples
in the gay barrel as there are in the straight barrel. It’s actually a
comforting thought, to know that when all is said and done, what
distinguishes us from one another are the choices we make and the
character we choose, not a skin color, gender, or sexual orientation we
never asked to have.
“It
takes a village to raise a child.” I first heard this African
proverb a few years ago when I worked in education, and its wisdom spoke
to me immediately. Granted, in the past few years, the quote has become
overused and almost cliché, and if I see it peeking out from underneath
one more email signature, I’ll lose my lunch. But watching my two
beautiful nieces growing up has made me realize how important everyone
around them is. Children are like little sponges, absorbing every action,
thought, and deed around them. Later on, when they get squeezed under
pressure, they’ll just expel what they’ve absorbed. So not only is it
important to have the whole village raising the child, but make sure
it’s a great village, too. I sometimes think about how very many people
influenced me as a child besides my parents, how many people shaped me
into the person I am today—my grandmothers, my brother, family, friends,
teachers, neighbors, and even the teller at the bank who never let me exit
the door without a lollipop in my hand. Other people are always watching
us, including children and adults, and we’re always teaching everyone
around us in a crazy cosmic learning dance, so be mindful of what you do
and say.
Eric
can be reached at anitamann@comcast.net.
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