Read My Lips
This human experience is rich with firsts: steps, words, dances, parking tickets, splinters, loves, heartbreaks, and jobs. Each one can serve as a marker of place and time. Each may also be a snapshot of age, growth, and learning.
There’s one first, though, which is a beautiful anomaly. It is both unique and universal; and when stripped of its folklore and a certain Disney sheen, it exists as a moment where logic is suspended and reason no longer matters. It’s the first kiss, and whether it causes one to swoon—or vomit—it can be a necessary key to making sense of life.
I’ve had many first kisses. In fact, most of my adult life has been spent kissing someone, or something. I would argue these experiences have been more about learning than lusting, and I think it’s time to reframe what the first kiss means in the context of one’s life.
A first kiss can even the playing field and can define what one wants. For many, the first intimate, non-familial kiss can set the stage for romantic pursuits in life. These are the innocent childhood kisses spurred by curiosity and the innate desire to explore.
My first kiss was with a girl, in the fourth grade. It would be easy to argue that at nine years old I didn’t have the tools to know what I wanted from life. I would argue I had an inkling. I knew she wasn’t my type, and I kissed her anyway. This would, oddly enough, be a reoccurring theme for years to come. But I digress.
I remember it vividly. We were in the middle of some jungle gym-esque structure on a middle school playground. There wasn’t a lot of excitement. It just happened, and in that moment I was overwhelmed. I knew it was fun, and it felt good. But I also knew I’d rather be kissing a boy.
A first kiss can help with discovery. That level of intimacy can be revelatory and affirming. I know this firsthand. I came out when I was 15 because I was certain of my identity. However, I needed some validation. My first crush worked at the music school where I took private music lessons. He was two years older and was really good at making eye contact. He was the first person I ever clocked as being like me, and I was right about it.
We had an instant connection, a kinship based on being outliers in a small town. We ended up going on a teenage version of a date, which ended with a kiss outside of the original Nicola Pizza on First Street in Rehoboth Beach. The song “Stockton Gala Days” by 10,000 Maniacs blared from the speakers in his red Del Sol. It was weird and lacked any electricity or passion. I knew in that moment, while I never wanted him to kiss me again, I was on to something.
As I leapt from teenager to young adult, the language of a kiss helped me through a lot of uncomfortable moments. While it often led to confusion and heartache, it also helped me understand my own needs and desires. This aspect of a first kiss is quite personal, as it can help refine one’s own self-image and soothe insecurities. Abandoning these feelings—in the moment when lips touch—I believe can be liberating.
A first kiss can also be life-altering. While I was hip to the lack of the aforementioned Disney sheen in all of my past experiences, I was shocked the first time I kissed my partner. You see, in that moment, the whole world stopped. It was as if we entered some technicolor dream sequence complete with an orchestra playing and birds chirping as they fluttered over our heads. It was as if all the years of evened playing fields, discovery, and awkwardness lead me to this very moment outside a beer garden in Wilmington. It was bookended by flirting, storytelling, and jokes. In that moment, I knew I had met my match.
Like many firsts, the initial kiss is complicated. It can make or break a moment. It can lead to many firsts, or nothing at all. But all of this analysis is moot. All of this unpacking and overthinking ultimately doesn’t matter; because in the moment, when it’s right, it simply feels so damn good. ▼
Christopher Moore is Interim Executive Director of AIDS Delaware. He loves NPR, naughty jokes, and a man who lives in Toronto. Email him at moore.cc@gmail.com.
Songs for First Kisses:
- Stockton Gala Days (live from MTV Unplugged): 10,000 Maniacs
- Joshua Tree: Carly Rae Jepsen
- My Side of the Bed: Susanna Hoffs
- Swept Away: Diana Ross
- You Make Me Feel (Mighty Real): Sylvester
- Save a Kiss: Jesse Ware
- Do Not Disturb: Bananarama
- ‘Til There’s Nothing Left: Will Young
- Oh My God: Adele
- Slow Ready: Goose
- Fastlove, Pt. 1: George Michael
- The Shop Shoop Song: Betty Everett
- I Was Made for Lovin’ You: KISS
- Papillion (aka Hot Butterfly): Chaka Khan
- In My Arms: Erasure
- Bodyguard: Beyoncé
- Rain: Madonna